I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
