make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
