If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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