It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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