yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
