i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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