If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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