It was confusing and full of hummus
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you never un-have a 4some
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
