cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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