WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
