I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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