I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
