end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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