i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
two words...techno handjob
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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