I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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