He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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