I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
