Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
