Non-Jews are for practice
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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