You can't special order awesome
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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