I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
