I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cannot find my penis.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
