So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
