WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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