Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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