I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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