Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
