is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
