never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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