I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
