There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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