hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
