I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How's work?
Spinning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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