Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think your dad took our porno
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
