How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
