i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
