you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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