You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
