My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
