The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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