You're so nebulous sometimes
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
