I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
