She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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