It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
