sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
