Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
