you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
