The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
