So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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