When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
