dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
