you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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